Big Ol' Update...

Oh boy, where to start? The time has flown since we've been back from Utah. We're just about as sick of the heat as one can get. I'm certainly ready for fall. Not going anywhere outdoors is getting super old. So is dripping beads of sweat while loading groceries into the trunk and having to keep the blinds closed.

Brent is now officially back to work, although he won't be teaching until the first day of school on the 22nd. He finished yet another class for his master's degree and only has 3 left, although it's looking like the last three are going to be pretty brutal. He's just bought his birthday and Christmas present... a smoker. He's so excited. I keep teasing him that he's putting "the horse before the carriage" since we don't have a back patio to put it on yet, but then he just reminds me that our patio is several years off and we might as well have awesome brisket in the meantime. I gotta say, I can't really argue with that.

Mariska is so excited that we've gotten all of her school supplies and uniforms! I can't believe how old she is. She keeps bugging me about when her birthday is, for some reason she thinks it's REALLY close. I can't believe she'll be turning 6 when it does come. We are going to Meet The Teacher night on Thursday. She can't wait and I'm just hoping Brynley behaves herself.

Brynley is going through a "Mommy only phase" that's really starting to wear on me. She was throwing a fit this morning because Brent put butter on her bagel instead of me. Her language has improved a lot in the last few weeks, but we're having her evaluated by a speech therapist on September 2nd, just to make sure that she gets any extra help she might need. We only have until she turns 3, and then it's up to the school system and I've heard it's harder to get help at that point. So we'll see what we can do in the next 3 months.

I have a few things going on right now, which I'm super excited about. After realizing that our 6 year old DV video camera is an antique and wasn't compatible with our computer, we've bought a device that will allow us to transfer our videos from our camera/tapes onto our computer. So I'm working on doing that and then I'll be making video scrapbooks for our family! I'm so excited to have slide shows and our home movies all on dvd.

After being in our house for just over 3 years... it now has it's very first curtain! It's actually in our master bathroom. We also have decided that it's time to put some money into decorating the house some. We went to Lowe's and got 2 paint samples to try out on the walls we want to paint. We were wanting a red to match the couches, but the red is a bit too dark for the walls, and the green is a bit too light... so we're going to go back maybe next Saturday and getting two more to test out. Once we get the paint right we'll slowly add some window scarves.

When we got back home from our trip to Utah, I got on the scale... and I was the biggest I've ever been. So I decided to stop fighting the cost of the YMCA across the street, because I've been too cheap to pay for it, and we went and signed up. It's something we should have done YEARS ago!! I can take the girls and they can be in the little daycare for an hour and a half a day. It's wonderful!

I'm so sick of struggling with my weight. There are so many people out there that just don't understand how hard this can be. To them, if you're big, then you just don't care about being healthy. To them it's a "no brainer" just go on a diet and work out, what's so hard about that? Well if it were just that easy, I'd be 90 pounds lighter 7 years ago... There isn't anything too hard about the working out, I love working out. It's the diet part that is the issue and as I've been told by several personal trainers, diet is 85% of the weight loss equation. I'm completely and totally addicted to food, desserts in particular. They have such a tight hold on me. And so much of beating the food issue is dealing with mental issues. I seem to have a lot of emotional baggage that I apparently push away and cover with food like nice chocolate bandaid. But, luckily, working out helps me deal with stress and issues and managing food is less of a beast when I am working out, but only realy when the junk is not in the house...

So, I'm excited to report that my first week of my real work towards my goal (33 pounds by Christmas), I lost 4.5 pounds and 1.5 inches off both my rear end and my waist! It was pretty exciting. Of course, the next day the scale went back up 2 pounds and I've not really been able to move it since...

This last week has been much worse with food. We have "real desserts" (cookie bars, brownies) once a week at Family Home Evening. So I had a massive piece on Monday night, and then Tuesday night I ate the piece that we saved for Mariska to have after dinner, but she refused to eat dinner and didn't earn it, afterwards I had one of my 60 calorie pudding cups. Then on Wednesday and Thursday I had both a pudding cup AND a 100 calorie pack of cookies with milk of course... Then Friday was my birthday and it wasn't the best food day. I was on the phone with a friend for a while, and by the time I got off it was past 6 and I decided I didn't want to cook and clean up at that point, so we loaded up and went to Cotton Patch Cafe. I decided that since we hadn't been out in several weeks, it was my birthday, and we aren't going to go out for another several weeks, that I wasn't going to worry about calories and I was going to ENJOY myself.... so I looked things over and decided against a burger, since we can make some pretty good ones at home. The only other thing I really wanted that we don't make at home, was the Chicken Fried Steak. And I HAVE to have my sweet potato fries when we go to Cotton Patch and then my 2nd side would be mac and cheese.... as we looked over the menu I saw a little star by the Chicken Fried Steak description, so I looked down at the bottom and saw that it was a dish where smaller sized portions were offered. I knew I should get the smaller size dish, since I'm trying to lose weight. I knew this was the thing to do and that I'd get plenty full with the smaller plate.... but then the Fat Girl in me took over and I literally almost had a panic attack at the idea of not getting as much food as possible. I hate that Fat Girl. The overwhelming emotion of NEEDING the bigger plate took over and I didn't get the smaller dish, I knew I should. I ate the entire thing. Then this morning I looked up what the calories were... my entire dinner was 2400 calories. I was really mad at myself and I wish I could shut up that stupid Fat Girl that won't get out of my head.

My birthday cake turned out pretty good. I just bought a cake mix and then made it with all egg whites and applesauce instead of oil. It was a bit more airy and fluffly than I'd like. I like my cakes more thick and dense. But it was still a success. If the cake is cut into 12 pieces then I shaved off 87 calories from each piece.

So, my week wouldn't have been so bad had I either not had desserts every night and just gone out for my birthday... or had all those desserts and NOT gone out... but what's done is done. I'm starting over first thing in the morning and I'm not buying anymore 100 calorie packs, because I've proven to myself that I just can't handle having even those around.

On to finishing my goal. Wish me luck. Sorry for the novel.