Insomnia Stinks...

So I'm pretty sure one of the first things I'm doing in the morning, excuse me, THIS morning is to call my doctor and get another prescription for Ambien. More and more in the last few weeks, I just can't shut off and fall asleep. I'm tired, I want to sleep, and yet my brain just won't turn off!! Once I am asleep, I do great, it's just actually getting to sleep that's the trick.

I've been laying down, in the dark for over 4 hours! Finally I got restless and had to sit up, which is why I'm on the computer now. I'm so annoyed, and angry. I want more Ambien because it works really quickly and clears out of your system by the time you are ready to get up. I often take Benedryl (Tylenol PM) but that takes about 2 hours to take effect and it makes me a zombie the entire next day. So even though it helps me sleep, I'm not any more alert or active the next day.

Why won't my brain stop over analyzing and planning?! I hate it. I'm thinking about things that can absolutely wait until morning... if not morning, than 3 YEARS!! It's irritating beyond description! "What kind of menu can I create with this month's budget? - What kind of schedule should I plan once Brent is back to work? Library on Tuesday, couponing on Mondays, park on Fridays after running... - What kind of payments will we have to make on Brent's student loans once he's done with his Masters? How long with his student loan forgiveness application take? - Would we be able to afford a PreK program for Brynley so I can take real campus classes the year before she goes to kindergarten or will I have to push those classes back another year? - Should we get Mariska a better bed and move her low/cheap one into Brynley's room or should we just get Brynley the same kind Mariska has and get them both better beds after I start working? - What kind of clothes would be best to take Blue Bonnet pictures in next spring?" And on and on and on! It makes me so mad!!

Well, I've ranted for about 15 minutes. I'm off to try AGAIN... hhhmm, should I go back into my bed for the 3rd time or will I have better luck on the couch? Here I go....

Feelin' Glum

No weight loss this week. I had cake. And I lost my will power. I didn't work out as hard consistently throughout the week either. So I'm bummed I sabotaged myself.

Within the last 48 hours I've become seriously homesick as well. I'm not sure why. But I ache for Utah. I miss our families. I miss my friends. I miss the mountains. I miss the cheap and family friendly places to go. I miss the restaurants. I miss Temple Square and the LDS culture that abounds. I miss Home. I want to call my Mom to talk about it, but I know I'll just cry and cry, which would make me feel a bit silly since I'm almost 30.

We have a rough plan to get back to Utah within the next 10 years. It's going to be hard work. It's going to take sacrifice and saving lots of money. But we want nothing more than to go home!! Being here has brought us a lot of blessings, and I can't deny that we know it's where we are meant to be right now. But the idea of still being here in 15-20 years isn't the most exciting one ever. We want to get back and pray we can make our 10 year goal.

Sorry to be such a downer... it's just how I'm feeling today.

Week ?

I've kind of lost track as to which week we're on. I think we're in the middle of week 6?? Oh well. Brent and I went off of the Jillian Plan, and simply started to just increase by one minute at a time. She jumped from 3 minutes of jogging/running with 60 seconds all the way to 5 full minutes and one minute of walking... we weren't ready for that yet. So this week we are doing 6 intervals of 4 full minutes of jogging and then usually 1-2 minutes of walking inbetween, depending on how far we are from a mile marker on the trail. We like to see how far we go each time.

I was really afraid to try it... because I didn't actually do it on Monday. I was on a period and jogging/running is not about to happen when it's that time of my month. So I simply walked on Monday. Luckily my doctor has given me those beautiful 3 months pills that give you only 4 periods a year, so I won't have that issue every month anymore... Yesterday was a non-run day and I did our elliptical and the weights video I like. So today I thought my body would hate it, since it had been a full four days since I'd run. But, while it was challenging, my body LOVED it. I felt great, getting back into it. While it's hard to jog when all your muscles are screaming at you... there is also a weird cleansing and calming feeling that comes with it as well.

On Friday I think I might want to increase it to 7 times of jogging. Then next week maybe we can do 8 intervals of 4 minutes. And the week after that go to 6 intervals of 5 minutes... but I need to talk to Brent about it first. Although to me, that sounds like a good plan.

Thanks to my period, the junk cravings that come with it, our need to get the bad food eaten and gone, I didn't lose any weight at the last Sunday weigh-in. I'm hoping that in the next few days I can get at least one more pound down... Brent is fitting into a smaller pair of pants today. It's a pair he hasn't been able to wear in about a year. I'm super happy for him, but it made me a little depressed that it's not happening as quickly for me. From his first weigh-in to today he's lost 12 pounds! It's exciting to see him fitting into "new clothes" (old ones we haven't fit into for a long time).... I only wish I could. But I have at least another 10-15 pounds to go before I'll fit into anything "new".

So that's how things are for me. Slow, but feeling good. Now I should stop procrastinating that nasty kitchen I'm avoiding. Here I go...