8 week goal...

Did you know I used to be thin? I mean actually thin. When I was in high school, I had an anxiety issue that severely reduced my ability to eat. You know that feeling you get when you're really nervous, and you can't eat because you have no appetite and you fear that food will simply come back up anyway? Imagine living with that feeling about 90% of the time. This was my life back then. It consisted of waking up, starting to get ready for school, and throwing up, every morning. After I threw up I'd feel a bit better, but still not well enough to really eat anything. This is why I was thin, not because I ate healthy foods. I also had to endure 4 years of P.E, thanks to the Illinois State education system. This is why I was thin.

This anxiety started to fade in my senior year, thanks to some really great pills and a supportive Mom who came with me to counseling sessions. It didn't go away completely but improved a great deal. Things were going really well, but then I had the brilliant idea of getting a different part time job. I was on my feet every weekend as a server at IHOP. Well, I wanted a less demanding job that would allow me to spend more time with my friends. So I began working 3-4 nights a week and Saturdays at Fannie May Chocolates. BIG MISTAKE. On a 4 hour shift I would see an average of about 5-10 customers. During the down time I would package chocolates, create baskets,and arrange displays. Although much of the time I would do homework, write letters, listen to music and stuff my face with gourmet chocolates. I would bet I'd eat a good half pound a night, at least. Needless to say, I gained weight. And my weight has gone up and "yo-yoed" ever since. I didn't even know what a calorie was or how many a person should have in a day, until after Brent and I were married!

I know I'm big. What you may not know, is that I hate being big. I love to eat junk food. It just tastes to stinkin good. I love burgers, pizza and ANY dessert I can get my hands on. I also love to sleep, read and watch tv. I struggle with laziness. I always have. I have my phases of working out, but they usually don't last much longer than a few weeks, only to bomb out and have several more weeks of sitting around. At my very heaviest (nonpregnancy) I was about 220 pounds. That was when I lived in Provo. In high school, when I was thin, I was about 140. I lost weight when we got married, down to 160, only to put it all right back on and continue the cycle.

That all being said, I stopped my good working out routine this time around ,when we hit the road for our trip to Utah. While in Utah I gained 6 pounds. I weighed myself yesterday morning.... 212. I knew I was gaining some because my pants were getting painfully tight, but that's about 18 pound up from the day we left for Utah.

I weighed myself yesterday because Brent and ,I together, have a goal. Thanks to his 9 weeks off of work, and Jillian Michael's new show, we are both going to take 8 weeks and train to run a 5K. I've never run in my life. I'm horrified.

Today was day 1 of week 1. It almost KILLED me. We warmed up with a brisk walk for 5 minutes. Then we jog for 1 minute and walk for 1 minute, alternating for 20 minutes. Let me tell you, I felt every ounce of the extra 65 pounds I'm carrying around. In the walking minutes, I could barely catch my breath. The jogging minutes got harder and harder and by the end my body was practically screaming at me to just stop! I hate how out of shape I am. Although, even when I was thin, I wasn't "in shape" or fit. I've never run.

So, the house now has 0 junk food. I'm not snacking inbetween meals and I'm really limiting my portion sizes at meal time. I'm HUNGRY. But I know my body will adjust in a few days and I'll not be so hungry. Everything takes getting used to. Tonight is my 2nd night without some sort of dessert. The chocolate chips in the freezer are calling to me. But I'm so tired of not meeting goals. This time I don't have a certain weight to reach. I have a distance I want to jog. And this time I have Brent right there beside me. I am going to do it and I am going to feel like her again...

Also, Brent has started his own blog, if you want to follow is journey the site is: www.brasman.blogspot.com