Back to Reality

I can't seem to break 201. I haven't had the greatest 2 weeks. First, it is just SO hot down here. It's 85 degrees at 6:30 when we wake up and is usually about 95-100 by about 11am. And it only goes up from there. So going out and running hasn't gone well. We're at about the 23rd day straight of "heat advisories". Then I've also gotten Shin Splints in my left shin. It comes and goes, which is weird, but putting any weight on the ball of my foot can really hurt my shin. And Brent has gone back to work, so getting up and working out alone, while dealing with the girls isn't easy to get used to. I've also stopped being so strict with my calories, dealing with my love of cookies, brownies, etc... So, needless to say, I've got to do better.

Brent is busy, busy, busy. He's been going to work for just over a week, but today was the actual first day of school with his students. He's actually started biking to work, which he's really excited about. I'm more nervous about it, with Texas' refusal to put in shoulders, much less bike lanes, not to mention all the red-necks who hate cyclists and think they are funny by throwing things at anyone on a bike. I appreciate that he emails me once he gets to work, so I don't have to worry longer than necessary. His second class in his masters degree started last week. He was busy writing a 3-5 page paper, reading chapters and posting comments in the student discussion. It's going to be a long 16 months, but hopefully it will really pay off in the long run.

With Brent going back to work, I'm reminded of how hard being a stay at home mom is. I've had a really emotional week. Do you ever feel like there are two of you? Is it only me? I feel like Dr. Jeckle (I know that's spelled wrong) and Mrs. Hyde... I feel like a case of multiple personality disorder. I want to be person A, but evil person B is just constantly pulling me down. I want to be active, fit and healthy, instead I struggle with being sedentary, lazy and LOVE desserts way too much, literally craving and aching for them. I want to be a neat freak that can clean and maintain an orderly house at all times. I want to be Mother Goose and sing songs and play educational games with my kids all day. I want to be one of these amazing women that can just be constantly on the go, fulfill 3 callings, and still have time to make homemade bread. But person B just won't let me. I'm always tired, way too impatient and the slightest thing overwhelms me. So, this week has been a stressful adjustment. I'm trying to let myself get back into the rhythm of Brent working, I'm just afraid it's taking longer than I'd like.

Mariska is bored out of her mind. She's so ready for school. I hate that PreK is reserved for people in which english is a second language and for people who make slightly less than we do. (Don't get me started on health insurance premiums not counting) Private preschool is SO excpensive! It's not a realistic option for anyone not making at leat $60K a year. I'm pretty sure we've lucked out and gotten her into a little preschool a woman in our ward, and her homeschooled 11 year old are doing once a week. They are only taking 5 kids, and Mariska was first on the waiting list... they emailed me a couple days ago and said we can have another kid's spot. I literally cried I was so happy! It is only once a week but Mariska is desperate for it. We are also going to try going to the library every week, if Brynley will let us. And then we are going to start having her friend from across the street over once a week, so her mom can homeschool their 2 older kids. So hopefully in the next few weeks we'll have more of a schedule to help her not be so bored.

Brynley is starting to talk. She tries real hard, but mostly says "eye" and "cow". She's also said, Hi, ear, mouth, go, duck and banana. Although she pronounces them "eee, mou, guck and anAnAnA" But we know what she means. It's at least nice to see some effort, considering she's almost 2. Other than that, she's killing me with her public fits. I can't take her anywhere, especially the library. She wants to run and play, so naturally when I won't let her, she kicks, hits and screams at the top of her lungs. I get looks of annoyance, irritation, and pitty. But I really don't want Mariska to miss out on the activities at the library. I don't know what else to do. A friend of mine suggested letting her be in the stroller with a sucker, which isn't such a bad idea, only I think it'll take more than one. I hate saying it, because I love her SO much and she's SO PRECIOUS, but there are many days in my week in which she makes me super thankful for the little pink pills I take every morning!! I'm so eager to get over the toddler hump. She seems to be jumping into the "terrible twos" with gusto!

Once it gets a littel cooler, I can also take the girls to the zoo. We have that yearly membership and I'm excited to milk it for every penny. Sorry to ramble at you, today was just not the greatest "mom" day... I ate half a pan of really gritty whole wheat brownies for lunch and bought a 16 inch pepperoni pizza for dinner. I'm going to go clip coupons and try to gear up for a better day tomorrow. And hey... I should get Mockingjay (3rd book in Hunger Games series) in the next week or so!!!